In Defence of Kate: Why Are Women Always Pressured to Show Up? | Maqvi News

“You look so well!” The four words that completely opposed the way I was feeling. I had plastered myself with makeup and curled my hair within an inch of its life to pull myself together to attend my sister’s bridal shower. An occasion I had been planning for months, in the midst of a new baby, relationship breakdown, and an ulcerative colitis flare-up that always picked its timings to perfection. Don’t get me wrong I wanted everything to be there for my sister, and my family, but I couldn’t help feeling that it was not only my presence being judged that day, but my appearance. In hindsight, I’m not sure anyone did expect me to look well, as many were aware of what I was going through, I think the pressure was completely down to me. Which is why I can’t help feeling incredibly sad seeing the reaction to Kate Middleton’s Mother’s Day instagram post.

This Mother’s Day, Kensington Palace decided to put out a photo of Princess Catherine surrounded by her three animated children to mark the occasion. In essence it isn’t unusual, and after a quick scour of the joint Princeandprincessofwales official account, with its 15.2million followers, this is a very similar image to the one put out last year to commemorate the day. However, what has caused so much interest in this particular image was that it was posted during a period when the palace had announced that due to health reasons, Princess Catherine, or as we all still fondly refer to her, Kate, would be taking a break from all public service and appearances until Easter. Easter being the end of March. Due to the lack of elaboration or details, this request for privacy and time has caused quite a stir, in particular on X (formerly known as Twitter) and TikTok, where users have struggled to accept the announcement.

The completely unproven (and ever more ridiculous) social media conspiracies have included divorce, rehab, and even BBL surgery, with gradually more and more people jumping on the “Where’s Kate” bandwagon. This TikTok video from @popapologists has had over two million views, with a further nine other parts all averaging around between 500-50k views each.

I understand people are concerned, but my main question is why? Does it really matter what is wrong with her? She has told her ‘work’ (yes her role in the royal family is a job) that she won’t be there until the end of March, which I presume has been signed off by a medical team, so why is it anyone’s business? And more importantly why are the palace rising to social media conspiracy theories? I can’t help but think the Queen, who famously would say, “Never complain, never explain”, would not be amused by the need to react to social media with a new image to celebrate Mother’s Day. And don’t even get me started on the editing debacle and explanation, I can’t see the palace’s communication team advising this as the best way to combat the rumours. Which got me thinking, is it Kate who has been forced to bow down to the pressure?.

When you become a mum, there is this overwhelming feeling that you need to prove how well you’re doing. I remember getting up and dressed three days after my first emergency c-section to go to my local Starbucks, just to prove I was taking it all in my stride. I attended my auntie’s 50th a week after my second child to coos and admiration that I wasn’t in bed, people even commenting that their ‘insert female relative’ struggled to even get out of bed for two weeks after they gave birth. Like I had won some sort of competition. “There is so much pressure on mums to look good regardless of the challenges they’re facing,” says Suzy Reading, Chartered Psychologist and Author of Rest to Reset. “We’ve grown up with the ‘circle of shame’ as women and this permeates motherhood with the ‘bounce back/snap back’ messaging. It’s the last thing we need in the midst of adversity, being expected to mask it with a smile and a put-together outfit. Permission to be human!” she tells POPSUGAR UK.

When I look at that photo, I’m not concentrating on the edit, or the clothing, I’m thinking of the woman behind the account, who pressed ‘create post’ because she has a deep need to prove that she’s still being a ‘good mum’ even though she could be suffering. We may not know the truth, but three months away from regular life indicates something isn’t right. All I see is a woman trying to prove to the world that she’s present, she hasn’t abandoned her family or her duties, even in hard times. I may be wrong but I don’t see a woman trying to prove she hasn’t had a BBL.

I have to say I agree with Burntoakboy who posted on instagram, “My possibly unpopular opinion: the fuss over this photo is ridiculous, the desperate efforts to find out what’s wrong with Kate are horrible, and everyone needs to back off! We don’t have the right to know everything about a person’s life — even a royal person. It is testament to our society’s deranged expectation of 24/7 access to the lives of celebs that people are literally going insane because a princess is quietly convalescing for a few months. The Kate obsession is very, very unhealthy.” This post had nearly two thousand comments saying similar things. And no, this has nothing to do with how Meghan Markle was treated. The whataboutism of the internet is a story for another day, as today we should be focusing on a woman, a mother, who, regardless if we have been told all the details or not, we have been told enough to work out that she’s probably not spending two months at a spa. And even if she was, it actually has nothing to do with anyone.

Lauren Ezekiel is an associate editor at POPSUGAR UK, where she writes about all things beauty and wellness. With a degree in journalism and 12 years’ experience as a beauty editor at a leading Sunday supplement, she is obsessed with skincare, hair and makeup, and is often found offering advice to innocent bystanders. Her work has been published in Grazia, OK, Health and Beauty, The Sun, ASDA, Dare and Metro.